Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Over it

I used to love my job, like I love all my jobs. I'm so over it now though...

I work in a residential home of 24, independent, adults with mental illness and/or substance abuse problems.
Luckily my house is usually quiet and peaceful. Until we got one resident. I mean yes sometimes its stressful, but lately its been insane.
I've taken two mental health days in the last month and its not enough! Tonight I actually came home and had a drink instead of going to bed. I'm also sleep deprived but right now I'm fuming.

Everything just has been falling apart. I'm losing responsibilities due to it not actually being in my job title but I've done some of them a long time. Watching someone else fuck it up after it was so perfect is a disappointment.
Yet, I don't want to work in this field.

I want to just quit and follow my dreams now. Sadly its not a reality.

Its also difficult because I make too much money but yet have nothing to show for it. My grocery budget is literally $120 a month but I don't qualify for food stamps. I don't qualify for medicaid but I'd love to drop my medical plan at work to be able to buy more groceries.

Quitting looks better every day.

I'd love to find a job, in a gay marriage state, in the cloth diaper industry. If necessary I'll start my own business. But this...this life I'm living now is depressing.

I can't give the time and energy to my two most important people because this job just drags me down.

This isn't how life should be lived...

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